In life there are changes, so instead of wallowing in them choose to embrace those changes. With change comes amazing opportunity; opportunity to grow emotionally, spiritually, physically and to acquire a new perspective. The problem is not the problem but our reaction to our perceived problem. See, lots of times we think we have a problem because of our choice to perceive it as a problem. It’s all about our mindset.
One way to get back into the flow of life is to have the mindset, “There’s always a Next, never an Only.” How many times have we said, this is my one and only car, house, job, boyfriend, only to find down the road another car comes along that we like better, has nicer features and suits us better at that time in our lives? So, my point is, just because this relationship/marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that it’s your Only – there is a Next.
Have a “no exception rule.” That means, no matter what happens in your life, your mindset about yourself and your life won’t change. With an “Only” mindset, you view life as if the best has already happened. With a “Next” mentality, you view life with hope and expectation that the best is yet to come. You have the ability to write a new chapter in your book of life. How exciting! What do you wish for? Strive towards that wish. Keep yourself focused and ask yourself everyday, “Is what I am doing laying the foundation for that wish or tearing it down?” “Am I thinking big or thinking small?”
Moving into your next chapter also allows you to unearth your passions. Ask yourself these questions to help you start thinking in that direction but keep in mind the important element here is to answer them not intellectually but from the heart.
- What do I love?
- What things inspire me?
- What must I have in my life for it to be meaningful?
- What are my core passions, values and beliefs?
- When I remember the best/worst time in my life, what passion, value or belief was present or missing?
Another thing “yet to come” is a relationship. Ask yourself how are you going to approach this new chapter. What mindset will accompany you? What behavior will you change? What relationship/emotional boundaries will you set? What are the promises you will make to yourself?
Here are 5 promises to get you going:
- I will control my situation even if it’s with my mindset.
- I will not let someone else dictate how I feel about myself.
- I will not compromise my integrity or self worth in order to have a relationship.
- I will not stay in a relationship that doesn’t lift me up and
- I will let that person go and say, “Next.”
Debbie Martinez, MA is a certified, mindful life coach specializing in divorce (aka: heartbreak coach). She professionally coaches clients on how to avoid the breakup backlash and live better, not bitter. As a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator trained in collaborative divorce, Debbie gives clients the tools they need to successfully untie the knot and stand strong in the wake of adversity. She brings her formal training and life experience into her coaching practice to empower and educate clients through their divorce journey and onto new beginnings. You can contact Debbie at firstname.lastname@example.org.